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When you fixate on winning, losing, or some other external outcome, it takes you out of the present moment. You become fragile. It’s impossible to enter a flow state. But when you adopt a mindset of curiosity and growth, it relieves pressure and helps you stay anchored. – Brad Stulberg
I used to think anxiety would stop at a number.
Not a specific number at first, just more. More than I had. When I got there, I’d feel safe. I was sure of it.
It doesn’t work that way. When I had X, I needed Y. When I had Y, I needed Z. I have more now than I ever thought I’d have, but a revenue dip or a stressful situation still triggers the same alarm it always did.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: the thirst for certainty is a moving target. For me, nothing fully satisfies that need because it was never really about achieving a specific goal. It was about controlling the situation, and that’s an impossible illusion to maintain.
The story I told my friends and family was that I had to do it all. I had to juggle all the balls. I had to be responsible for everyone and everything, and if I couldn’t control the outcome, well, that was something to avoid at all costs, because the shame and embarrassment that accompanied failure would be unbearable.
I don’t have this solved. I’m not writing from the other side. But I think naming it honestly is part of the work. The anxiety will always latch onto the next thing if you let it, but what if there is no target to hit, no score to achieve? A fulfilling life should be about variety, learning, growth, and contribution. This is what I’d say to anyone living with the affliction of certainty, especially me. – Dad
Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs are the core emotional drivers behind all human behavior: Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth, and Contribution. Everyone prioritizes these needs differently, which shapes their personality, actions, and decisions. The first four are considered needs of the personality, while the last two are needs of the spirit.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is not to beat myself up about having downtime or slow days at work. There are days when you feel like you’ve conquered everything. Then all of a sudden, something happens to your car, and now you can’t get to work. I think people think that’s an obstacle to get over, but if you stop, you realize the universe is slowing you down for a reason. – Dr. Jason Wersland
There is a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and healing called Ho’oponopono and it goes like this: “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” These translate to very specific actions or Love, Repent, Forgiveness and Gratitude. It’s maybe the most complete method of apology I’ve ever learned. – Dad
